ATF: No Rules
by chronicler-of-knuckles
Summary: A friendly game of football... Friendly? Between ATF and FBI? Ha, yea, right!
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: No Rules CHAPTER: 1?  
AUTHOR: The Chronicler RATING: PG-13 WARNINGS: language UNIVERSE: ATF CHALLENGE: W.O.W. 03-08-04 -- JURISDICTION SUMMARY: A friendly game of football... Friendly? Between ATF and FBI? Ha, yea, right!  
ARCHIVE: Pretty please.  
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.  
EMAIL:  
  
No Rules By The Chronicler   
  
The rivalry between the ATF and the FBI goes back as far as the first time two agents stood over a fallen gun and declared as one "My Bust!" The years have passed, bitter battle after bitter battle, a.k.a. interagency cooperation, over everything from jurisdiction to the actual meaning behind the acronyms of each agency to just exactly who egged who's car.... first.  
  
Federal Bureau of Idiocy.  
Alcohol Tottin' Freaks Found Bored and Indecent All Totally Fucked-up Frequently Brandishing Impotencey All Totally Fucked-up  
  
"Okay, brains kinda stuck after Impotencey.' But what do you expect?" Buck grinned to his fellows. "They are Feather Brained Imps."  
  
"Imps?" Ezra repeated. "Do you even know what an imp is? And, for your personal information, featherbrained is one word, not two."  
  
"Yea, I know what imp is!" Buck growled. He looked Ezra slowly up and down and back. "Lookin' at one."  
  
"Point!" Josiah brought attention back to himself. "Years of warfare between our two agencies has now come down to this..." He held up a football by one pointy end. "The game of men!"  
  
Casy cleared her throat.  
  
"And women." Josiah quickly added. "Gentlemen and lady; my brothers and little sister, we are here to fight one last battle, to heroically throw ourselves into this last mission for duty, for honor, for justice, for pleasure..."  
  
"A great deal of pleasure." Chris put in, grinding the knuckles of his fist into the palm of his open hand.  
  
"If you win." Ezra pointed out.  
  
Seven steely glares put him in his place right fast.  
  
Josiah opened his mouth to continue, but J.D. had had enough.  
  
"Alright already!" Snatching the held out ball, he jogged for the field. After a few yards, he turned and wondered "Are you all coming? Or do I have to wipe up the Fixated Basal Isinglass all by myself?"  
  
The seven members of his team stared at him.  
  
So, J.D. shrugged, turned and headed off again.  
  
"What the hell did he say?" Vin Tanner wondered, the first to express his absolute confusion.  
  
"Where's a dictionary when you need one?" Buck grumbled, scratching his head.  
  
Ezra shook his head. "Neanderthals." he accused.  
  
Casy laughed. "Yea, an' do you have a clue?" Not bothering to wait for an answer she knew already, she skipped after her boyfriend, humming a happy tune as she went.  
  
Ezra glared at her back.  
  
Chris slung an arm around his shoulders. "Who knows. Kid jus' might come out of this with a head wallopin' an' you'll be the smartest guy on the team again."  
  
The undercover agent looked up at him. "Possibly." he agreed, before shrugging out from under Chris' arm and following the two youngsters.  
  
"Any one else get the sudden urge to bubble wrap little brother John?" Josiah wondered.  
  
"Damn, I knew I forgot something." Nathan grumbled. With no bubble wrap handy, he grabbed the rather large first aid kit from the back of the truck and hauled it out to the field. "Sure hope Raine isn't too long. We're gonna need a doctor."  
  
The first moment J.D. set foot on the field he was bombarded by ridicule from the opposing team.  
  
"Ah, they tossin' the baby to the wolves?" hooted FBI Agent Anthony Gains.  
  
"He ain't big enough to fill a belly." laughed Agent Ollie Marks. "Come on. Give us somethin' we can chew on..... where's that big fella? Where's Sanchez?"  
  
"Come on, guys. Quit wastin' out time on feeder fish!" put in Agent Kenny Brown. But then something new caught his eye. "What is this?" he hollered, stomping across, waving a hand at Casy. "This is no place for a girl!"  
  
"Excuse me?" huffed the FBI's own female agent, Maggie McDonald. She put her fists on her hips and glared at her partner, just daring him to say it again.  
  
his buddies snickering, Kenny quickly tried to dig himself out. "I.... I mean... well, hell, Mag, you ain't no girl! You're an agent! This.... this's jus' a civilian!" He turned to wave a hand at Casy again, only to catch the toe of the girl's boot in the shen.  
  
With an agonizing cry, the big FBI agent hopped around his wounded leg held up and clutched in his hands.  
  
Casy followed up her initial attack by giving the off balanced man a good shove, pushing him over. Her victim down, she continued with a solid kick to the rear.  
  
Before she could do any more damage, J.D. had grabbed the girl by the waist and hauled her back. "Hey! Hey! Save it for the game!"  
  
The whole episode was nothing but sheer delight to Kenny's fellow agents. They hooted and hallored, and laughed, tossing handfuls of grass at their fallen comrade.  
  
"Alright!" FBI Team Leader Jason Richardson snapped as he came on the scene. "That is enough! We are here to show these Asinine Trinket Farts that nothin' beats FBI ingenuity." He paused, standing over Kenny. With a shake of his head, he groaned "Ah, Kenny.... a little girl put you on your ass?" Still shaking his head, he crossed the field to stand at the appropriate spot to start the game. "Who's got the ball?"  
  
Chris snatched the football from J.D. "Let's get to the ass whoopin'." He looked about at his team. "Pick your positions."  
  
In response, as his teammates lined up, Ezra walked over to the bleachers, dusted off a spot, and took a seat.  
  
Chris frowned at him. "Somethin' broken, Ez?" he called, more than a little growl in his tone.  
  
"Nope." the undercover agent smiled. "And I intend to keep it that way."  
  
The ATF team leader doubled up his fists and took a step toward him.  
  
But Jason stopped him. "Hold up, Larabee. Let him sit it out. I'll put Kenny, who apparently needs a little recovery time, on the side line too. That way, any of them gets hurt, we can just replace him and get on with it."  
  
"No time to lick your wounds?" Chris chuckled.  
  
Jason chuckled right back. "You know what, Larabee? I've got my heart set on taking you and your wanna-be's apart." He held out a fist.  
  
"Well, it'll be my pleasure to brake your heart." was Chris' answer, knocking his knuckles against Jason's.  
  
Then the two men went off to their own sides.  
  
Judge Travis stepped between the two teams. He looked at one, then the other with a weary eye. He had a bad feeling about this. He should never had agreed to referee. But least he was there to threaten their jobs when things start to get out of hand. "So, we already had the coin toss. The FBI have the ball." he reminded them. "And, keep in mind, boys and girls, this is FLAG football. I expect each and every person on this field to be able to walk into work come Monday morning." A stern look at each of the team captains let it be known that this was not a suggestion. That done, he took the ball from Chris and tossed it to Jason. "A good, clean game." He stepped back, hoping no one noticed his crossed fingers.  
  
"Alrighty." Jason twirled the ball. "Sammy." He held it up for the youngest and meanest of his team to see. "Whenever you touch this ball, you keep it. Understood?"  
  
The dead eyed youngster's thin lips curled up in a sneer. "That pig skin's mine." he snarled.  
  
Jason hesitated. It was hard enough keeping the boy's blood lust under control in action. He just might kill to keep that ball. Jason glanced at the opposing team. He didn't really want any of them hurt.  
  
But, hey, it was just a friendly game of football. Just a friendly game...  
  
No Rules part 1?  
The End 


	2. Ch2

TITLE: No Rules CHAPTER: 2?  
AUTHOR: The Chronicler RATING: PG-13 WARNINGS: language UNIVERSE: ATF CHALLENGE: W.O.W. 05-10-04 -- DELUSION SUMMARY: A friendly game of football... Friendly? Between ATF and FBI? Ha, yea, right!  
ARCHIVE: Pretty please.  
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.  
EMAIL:  
  
No Rules Part 2?  
By The Chronicler   
  
Maggie positioned herself across from Casy. "Hiya, sweety. Just so you know... I have no problem what so ever with your gender."  
  
Casy grinned. "That bein' the case, guess I won't have to take it easy on ya."  
  
The FBI agent laughed. "You know, after I smear your b.f. clean to Kentucky an' back, you an' me, we aughta go catch ourselves a beer away from all this testerone."  
  
"I'll buy." Casy agreed. "You'll need all your cash for the hospital bills."  
  
Maggie opened her mouth for a stunning come back when they were all too rudely interrupted.  
  
"Ladies!" Jason snapped. When the two girls looked at him, he held the ball up. "Just let us know when social hour is over. We'll be waiting just right over here."  
  
"Yadda, yadda, yadda." Maggie mumbled, earning her a giggle from Casy and a glare from Jason.  
  
Obedient, if a little disrespectful, they crouched down into position for the first play.  
  
Satisfied, Jason returned to his own position. He glanced left, down the line of his men. He glanced right to the remainder of his men. Then he wrapped his hand around the football on the ground between his feet. "Hike! Hike! All Tootie Fruitie, hike!"  
  
Buck frowned, straightening up slightly. "Did he just call us gay?"  
  
Suddenly Ollie plowed into the ATF agent and the game was on.  
  
Maggie hit Casy low, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl's legs and lifting her up and over her back, dropping her on the ground with a solid, and not at all pleasant, thud.  
  
Sammy simply doubled up a fist and cold cocked J.D., dropping him like a rock.  
  
Anthony Gains met Josiah shoulder to shoulder. Though equally matched, the big profiler had not been expecting the fierceness of the attack and soon found himself thrown back on his butt.  
  
Half a heart beat later Nathan crashed into him.  
  
Chris wasn't sure what had happened, or when it had happened. When he opened his eyes, he was staring up at the sky.  
  
Judge Travis dropped his face in his hands and shook his head, groaning "I must have been delusional."  
  
Kenny chuckled. "Ah, shucks, Judge, that ain't nothin' but a little hand shakin' an' how ya doin's.'" he explained.  
  
Ezra winced as Buck was dropped rather unceremoniously beside Chris. "I hesitated to witness the introductions to those you do not like."  
  
Kenny's chuckle turned into a fully belly laugh.  
  
Buck rolled over until he bumped into Chris. With a moan, he asked "Wasn't this supposed to be flag football?"  
  
"What planet are you from?" Chris moaned back.  
  
Jason stood over Chris and offered his hand down to the ATF agent. "Just thought we'd get that out of the way." he explained with a grin as he hauled Chris to his feet.  
  
"Out of the way?" Chris growled, being sure to give the FBI agent's hand an extra squeeze.  
  
Jason grinned. "Oh, well, my guys were chewing at the bit, so, thought I'd get the rough stuff out of the way for it festered into some real, gonna hurt' violence." He dusted off Chris' shoulders. "Now we can get to the real good, clean fun." he suggested before turning and heading back to where the football sat on the ground, untouched and out of play, right where he had left it.  
  
"That wasn't real, gonna hurt violence'?" Nathan mumbled, using Josiah's big shoulders to push himself to his feet. He stumbled over, grabbed J.D. by the collar and dragged him to his feet. "You okay?"  
  
J.D. moved his jaw side to side, hearing it pop. "No." he grumbled. "What the hell was that all about?"  
  
"They were getting it out of their system." Josiah answered, rubbing his sore shoulder.  
  
"Do we get a turn to get it outta our system?" the youngest of Team Seven growled.  
  
"Now, there's a question." Buck agreed, grabbing Chris' arm and dragging himself up.  
  
"Line up." Chris ordered, a wicked half grin showing through. "Our turn."  
  
No Rules Pt. 2?  
The End 


	3. Ch3

  
No Rules  
Part 3/?  
  
Sammy paced like a cornered panther, his dark eyes scanning the enemy. His knuckles ached, but not so much from the hit he delivered on the brat Dunne's jaw. But more from the desire to do it again. Not that he had hit the kid very hard. Nay, he had sense enough to know what Jason would do to him if he really did hurt any of the stuck up, self centered, arrogant, always-in-the-way ATF agents.  
  
He just hated getting a taste of blood and denied the whole meal.  
  
"Sammy." Ollie called to him softly, recognizing his young partner's mood. "You playin'?"  
  
The agent's eyes snapped up to glare at the big man. but then he noticed that everyone had returned to their positions and were now only waiting for him. Grinding his teeth, he nodded once, then took his place across from J.D. Dunne.  
  
Ollie frowned, but said nothing. Hope for the best, that was his motto.... He just hoped Larabee was prepared for the worse.  
  
Jason once again bent over the ball. He looked left, looked right. "Hike! Hike! Aggressive Tanked Fairies!"  
  
"Damn it! Now I know he was callin' us gay!" Buck snapped.  
  
But his team mates didn't take the time to answer him. They were already on the move.  
  
Maggie made a dive for Casy once again, but this time the girl leaped to the side just at the last moment. The FBI agent crashed to the ground and Casy promptly sat on her, pinning her face down in the grass.  
  
Anthony braced his feet, waiting for Josiah's charge. But the ATF profiler just grinned at him.  
  
Then Anthony's legs were taken out from under him by an unexpected attack from Nathan Jackson.  
  
FBI Agent John Henderson started after what was suppose to be his target, Nathan, when Josiah finally moved. With one big hand, Josiah simply pushed him down.  
  
Startled by the sudden attack, Sammy turned to help his friends, but a sharp fist slammed into his jaw, dropping him to the ground.  
  
Jason, seeing his team go down one after the other, abandon the ball once more for the more important duty of...  
  
He suddenly found himself blinking up at the sky, dazed and wondering just what the hell had hit him. Almost before he had landed, Ollie tripped over him and crashed to the ground.  
  
Judge Travis dropped his face in his hands and groaned. "I'm gonna have to call the damn DEA to cover the Monday shifts."  
  
Still sitting on the bleachers, Ezra smiled. He turned and held his hand out to Kenny. "How do you do?"  
  
Kenny stared, jaw dropped, at his team mates, each and everyone laying stunned on the ground. Then, with a shake of his head, he chuckled. He took the undercover agent's hand and gave it a strong shake. "You're a gamblin' man, ain't you, Standish?" he probed.  
  
Ezra perked up. "Gamblin'? I have participated in a hand or two of solitaire in my day. But a gambling man? Me?" He laughed softly. "I wouldn't know the first thing about laying.... what is it? Laying up a bet?"  
  
"Yea." Kenny laughed. "That's what I thought. How about a wee bit of a wager?"  
  
Ezra looked completely, one-hundred percent innocent. "A wager? Do you mean to make a finical venture? On what?" He looked at where the ATF agents were helping the weary FBI agents back to their feet. "Oh! You wish to post a reward for the proper speculation of the out come of this rather violent engagement referred to as a... a football game?"  
  
Kenny's eyes narrowed. "Yea.... somethin' like that." His grin returned.  
  
Ezra became dead serious. "Winner take all or do you want a point spread?"  
  
"Lets make it more interestin'." Kenny looked out at the two teams. "Losin' team washes winnin' team's vehicles, on road an' off, for an entire month."  
  
The ATF man hesitated. Money was an easy wager. Lose it in one place, when twice as much somewhere else. No problem. But now they were talking about manual labor... and, if the FBI were anything like his fellow ATF, very dirty manual labor. Then again, conning his fellow agents into paying due that wager shouldn't prove that difficult.  
  
Again, Ezra offered his hand. "Very well.... A rather interesting... this does qualify as a wager, does it not?"  
  
Kenny shook it full heartedly. "Bet your ass on it!"  
  
Ezra grinned. "I never bet my own ass." he assured with a wink.  
  
Chris hauled his victim to his feet. "You look a little messed up there, Jason." he observed with a grin.  
  
Buck laughed as he offered a hand to Ollie. "Well, you know, Chris... Filthy Barnyard Investigators."  
  
"Agriculturally Tinted Filth!" Ollie growled back. Despite his nasty look, he excepted the hand up and nodded his thanks.  
  
"Freakish Backlash of Ickiness." Nathan tossed out.  
  
"Alien Toilet Fungus!" Anthony attacked.  
  
"Food Born Illness!" Casy was quick to put in. She stood, dusting herself off. Then reached down to help Maggie up.  
  
Everyone looked at her.  
  
Jason waved a hand at her. "You're a civilian! What do you have against the FBI?" he wanted to know.  
  
Casy shrugged. "Nothin' really. Just getting into the swing of things." She looked up at Maggie. "Try Awsomely Toasted Foot-odor."  
  
"Hey!" J.D. protested.  
  
"Or All Too Fat!"  
  
"Casy!"  
  
"Oh, here's one!" Casy jumped up and down. "Asses To...."  
  
"Casy!" five men shouted.  
  
Josiah shook his head. Stepping over to the girl, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "How about swingin' back our direction."  
  
Casy grinned up at him. "I was just gonna say Asses Toned & Fit."  
  
Maggie pinched Josiah's back side, making the big ATF Agent jump, yipe, and blush. "Tell me 'bout it, sweety. Tell me alllllll 'bout it."  
  
ATF: No Rules Pt. 3?  
The End 


End file.
